I used to like to dance. I even knew how. I grew up in Memphis and I think it just kinda came with the territory. My brother may not agree with that, but this little white boy could get down. However, as I grew up, I started dancing less. After an incident my freshman year involving a circle and some serious moves I realized I didn’t know the rules anymore and I hung up my dancing shoes. It was like I took some chains and put them on. It wasn’t as if I quit liking to dance. I still wanted to, but after that I felt like Princess Leia attached to Jabba the Hut, minus the bikini. There were times in my life I wanted to dance and celebrate, but it was if some big, fat force was pulling me back.
While I have been in Uganda we have spent time talking about chains. Most of the time, we talk about the boys being chained up from their past life. Maybe it was a situation at home or maybe it’s their life on the street. They are stuck and they can’t get out, chained up somewhere they don’t want to be and not even sure why. Every time they think they are getting away from their problems they are pulled back. Jabba just won’t let them go.
Truthfully, I was held back by all kinds of chains. It took a long time to realize that I was the one who put the chains on me. That sin in my life was just like Jabba. I was dancing, but it was for the wrong person and it was the wrong dance. Jabba, sin, the devil, whatever you want to call it was keeping me from dancing with freedom.
But, years ago, I was freed from those chains. My savior came and broke me free from them or at least yapped them like R2D2 did. Yet, like many people, I didn’t know what to do with the freedom. I had grown comfortable with the chains because it was what I knew. It is like taking the leash off a dog and watching him stand there because he is expecting to be stopped as soon as he gets his hopes for freedom up.
So I lived restrained in my own mind. One of the things that has become more real to me in my time here is that I am FREE! I can dance through the power of Christ’s love if I want to. Some of the reservations I have had are gone. I read the Bible and I know that power is available to me because Christ freed me. My sin has been demolished. Yes I know that I still fail, but God’s grace is so much bigger. This is not some big revelation. Most of us are completely aware of our chains and that we have been freed from them. The real question is are you still waiting for freedom or do you live as though it has already come? My faith, well, it doesn’t resemble the person waiting to be pulled back anymore. I believe it can be done, whatever it is, because my God is big enough. That is my story.
I wish it were everyone’s. Each day we still struggle to help the boys see that they are not the child on the street. They have been freed. They may live on the street, have lived a life full of shame, and done things to others that we can’t imagine, but that is not their identity. Christ freed them from that on the cross. Some days Jabba’s pull is stronger. They choose to revert to what they know. They would rather not live a redeemed life but one of no responsibility. They would rather struggle with life alone instead of having a dance partner. It’s not easy to walk away. If it were, everyone would do it. Instead we are cautious to run into freedom because we don’t know what will happen. Can we really trust God to do everything He says? I mean He is the maker of the universe. Why is He worried about me and what I do? It can become frustrating and that is just how I feel. I can’t imagine how God feels.
However, I read the end of the book. I know who wins. The force is with us. He will love us until we realize we are free. We don’t have to stay here, there, wherever anymore. God has freed you in Jesus to walk away. In the lyrics of some 80’s song “You can dance if you want to.” It’s true. Dance like David danced. He didn’t have any chains or clothes for that matter. So, whatever your chains WERE, I hope you realize Christ has done what’s needed for them to be gone. I pray you will walk, run, or dance the other way. I pray the boys will do the same and see the new creation they can become. I will choose2B a dancer. My moves aren’t as good as they once were, but they have a lot more passion now. I pray you will do the same, and “May the force be with you!”
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Loss
Loss - That is the way most people would describe this week for me. Saturday, I got an email informing me of some information about the family I was helping in Kigarama. Unfortunately, it was not good information. It led me to have to make the decision to walk away from them. It felt horrible, as though I was having to leave 9 of my friends on their own. However, I place that situation with God and trust His providence.
Sunday afternoon I learned that my oldest nephew had passed away in a car crash Saturday night. I immediately tried to verify what I was reading. Sure enough it was true. My thoughts immediately turned to my family and their pain. I paced around the house trying to find a comfortable place to sit and pray. Although my heart was aching, all I could do was thank God. I had the opportunity to get to know Dylan in a new way over the last two years. We had had the opportunity to write each other several times while I had been here. I had the opportunity to watch him grow and discover who he was in Christ. He reminded me a lot of myself; the rap music, the sports, a ladies man, OK well that was only true for him. I remember when he was young and we were opening presents at Christmas, Dylan opened his traditional package of underwear and cried. I remember the baseball games. I remember games in the yard. I remember arguing over who was better at sports. I remember the moment last year when he told me he was happy I was going back to Africa and how proud he was of the work I was doing. I AM PROUD OF HIM TOO. I know I may have lost his physical presence in my life, but I will always be able to carry on his memories and his spirit.
There is nothing wrong with felling loss or pain. However, there is no reason to let it hold you back. Those chains are not meant to hold us. I think about the disciples who were sitting around after Jesus had risen. They were not headed out, but rather they were sitting in the room with the door locked. Jesus comes through the locked doors though. HE DOESN’T DESIRE US TO BE HELD IN. So I celebrate the life and memory of Dylan. I praise God for the redemption of his life. I PRAISE God for the time we had together. I promise to move forward. Jesus said his leaving would only strengthen the disciples. I pray my losses do the same for me. I pray for all of you who have lost someone close to you. I pray you will throw those chains off, even if it is slowly, and move forward. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know we weren’t meant to stay.
Sunday afternoon I learned that my oldest nephew had passed away in a car crash Saturday night. I immediately tried to verify what I was reading. Sure enough it was true. My thoughts immediately turned to my family and their pain. I paced around the house trying to find a comfortable place to sit and pray. Although my heart was aching, all I could do was thank God. I had the opportunity to get to know Dylan in a new way over the last two years. We had had the opportunity to write each other several times while I had been here. I had the opportunity to watch him grow and discover who he was in Christ. He reminded me a lot of myself; the rap music, the sports, a ladies man, OK well that was only true for him. I remember when he was young and we were opening presents at Christmas, Dylan opened his traditional package of underwear and cried. I remember the baseball games. I remember games in the yard. I remember arguing over who was better at sports. I remember the moment last year when he told me he was happy I was going back to Africa and how proud he was of the work I was doing. I AM PROUD OF HIM TOO. I know I may have lost his physical presence in my life, but I will always be able to carry on his memories and his spirit.
There is nothing wrong with felling loss or pain. However, there is no reason to let it hold you back. Those chains are not meant to hold us. I think about the disciples who were sitting around after Jesus had risen. They were not headed out, but rather they were sitting in the room with the door locked. Jesus comes through the locked doors though. HE DOESN’T DESIRE US TO BE HELD IN. So I celebrate the life and memory of Dylan. I praise God for the redemption of his life. I PRAISE God for the time we had together. I promise to move forward. Jesus said his leaving would only strengthen the disciples. I pray my losses do the same for me. I pray for all of you who have lost someone close to you. I pray you will throw those chains off, even if it is slowly, and move forward. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know we weren’t meant to stay.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Before I came here I had not thought too much about the word “HOPE.” However, while I have been here I have thought about it most days. Sometimes it is out of my own volition, but other days it is because people talk about it or the lack of it a lot. 160 days ago, when I arrived, HOPE was hard to see. You may not know, but Uganda is having a power crisis. So the power goes out all the time. And when it does, it is dark. But we always find a light. There is always a source of light, even if it is just a flicker from a candle. Some days we have to fumble around in the dark to find it, but here lately the HOPE of my God has been turning the dark to light. As I sit here in the dark, by the light of the computer, I hear the song I’m listening to say “Bless the Lord, O my soul. O my soul. Worship His holy name. Sing like never before,
O my soul. I will worship your holy name.” My soul needs to my dance!
As you sit and read this you may not feel the same way. You might be in a very dark place. Our world is full of darkness, because it is fallen. So you would not be alone in those feelings. For the past 5 and a half months I have been “living in a land of the shadow of death.” Every day I see needs all around. I am not talking about wants, but real needs. I see boys and girls running around with clothes that hang off their bodies. They are dirty and the holes reveal more than I want to see. I see mothers with their heads down, worn out by life, and not producing any milk for their babies. I walk through communities where people dig through the trash for food and money because no one has a job, an education, or anywhere to go. I see 8, 9, and 10 year old boys sleeping in trash piles high on drugs. I pass teenage girls begging each passing car for money to feed the child they hold in their arms. I see adults stealing from children so they can survive. I see cuts and infections covered in flies and filled with puss. I see people wash their clothes and themselves in sewers filled with feces and every other form of trash. I see people rebuilding their cardboard house after a hard rain. I see people sleeping on the streets and the dogs licking their wounds. I see mothers so dehydrated they drink the tears of their crying baby. I live with a boy whose family told us they kicked him out and wished he would die. I see hurt, pain, shame, and loss. I see it all.
I have heard my share of stories from the street boys about losing HOPE. I have sat in the homes of villagers who have told me the same thing. People want to see some HOPE. They want to know there is a “way” out of their situation. They want to know that someone cares. They want HOPE. I have heard it said that when a person loses HOPE, they die. I don’t believe that is true, but I know it’s not far from it. I do know these people are dying inside.
However, as I prepare to leave this place for now, I don’t see much but the light shining brighter in the darkness. When you go spelunking people will tell you to get to a place where it is pitch black and turn off your headlamp so your eyes can adjust to the darkness. It is in the pitch black that our eyes are opened even wider, and when the light is turned on, it is so much brighter. My eyes are being opened to the HOPE that is in our God. I have seen that there is still HOPE for me. I have been rescued from walking down the path of lukewarm Christianity (that is an oxymoron by the way), and have been sent in the direction of the man God wants me to be. I have seen the HOPE my prayers produce and I see that not only is God winning the battle, but He has already won. All around me I see the light creeping in through the cracks. Won’t you look with me?
I have seen boys rescued from a life of hopelessness on the street to become secondary school graduates. I have seen street boys tell a room full of school kids that they were told they would never amount to anything, as they served as their counselors for the week. I have seen three 20 somethings give up their comfortable life in the US to pursue God’s kingdom around the world. I have seen a former street boy become an uncle in three different street ministries. I have seen people who don’t use a water line pay the bills for their neighbors who do because they know it will help them. I have seen a young Irish woman start a ministry in the slums and change the lives of the boys there. I have seen street boys attend church faithfully and put the money they get from collecting scrap into the offering plate. I have seen forgiveness in families where all there use to be was pain. I have seen an organization form to open doors for others. I have seen prayers answered for a drop in center in the worst slum in Uganda. I have seen teachers and counselors flock to work there too. I have seen boys hooked on drugs from their time on the street turn around and become volunteers in ministry at church. I have seen boys from the streets become the top students in their classes. I have seen orphans become doctors. I have seen two sixty somethings pay to volunteer 6 months of every year working in the villages. I have seen an uncle called out of discipling street kids to be a missionary where Christianity is illegal. I have seen former street boys proclaim that it would be an honor if they were a martyr for Christ. I have seen a homeless woman offered a job and walk away from her life on the streets. I have seen ministries spring up to help sex trafficked girls in the slums. I have seen headmasters reduce their fees so street children can get an education. I have seen a mother bring in 6 orphans only to sell all her land to try to pay for them to go to school. I have seen God provide sponsors for all 11 of her children to get educated. I have seen college students use their break from school to serve among the least and the lost. I have seen influential leaders pull strings to help others. I have seen new families form from necessity and stick closer than blood. I have seen different nationalities work together to bring clean water to thousands. I have seen a church start programs to help those without homes and food. I have seen young men move to Africa only to spend all their money on homes for others. I have seen people sleep on the streets just so they will know what their neighbors go through. I have seen demon possession conquered by the blood of Jesus. I have seen a boy with HIV shape the hearts of those who help him. I have seen a church stay in the slums and not build walls so the poor could use the building as a refuge. I have seen newlyweds spend their honeymoon working for others. I have seen schools built in communities that could not do it themselves. I have seen strangers pay for others to go to school. I have seen widows partnering together to provide income for each other to live. I have seen people healed overnight from death. I have seen water pour out of rocks and water a whole valley. I have seen tribes torn by war and death, celebrate new life. I have seen an intern turn their project into a passion. I hear praise songs to God play all night outside my window, tent, or wherever else I happen to be sleeping. I have seen an old man in poverty bring in orphans so they would at least have a family, and then I have watched as a bunch of street boys helped them both. I have seen hundreds hear the gospel from the mouths or kids beaten and abused. I have seen a marine heal the souls of the broken through a recovery program. I have seen Jesus RISE from the dead. I have seen His spirit glowing ever so bright.
I see God everywhere because he is our HOPE. I see Him working to save, redeem, heal, and restore this world, country, and city. He never left, but sometimes our eyes just aren’t ready to see the light. I know my vision has been adjusted. I know, “the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has shined.” That light is Jesus our HOPE. I will choose2B a bringer of HOPE to those in need. I will let my little light shine and I pray you will do the same.
O my soul. I will worship your holy name.” My soul needs to my dance!
As you sit and read this you may not feel the same way. You might be in a very dark place. Our world is full of darkness, because it is fallen. So you would not be alone in those feelings. For the past 5 and a half months I have been “living in a land of the shadow of death.” Every day I see needs all around. I am not talking about wants, but real needs. I see boys and girls running around with clothes that hang off their bodies. They are dirty and the holes reveal more than I want to see. I see mothers with their heads down, worn out by life, and not producing any milk for their babies. I walk through communities where people dig through the trash for food and money because no one has a job, an education, or anywhere to go. I see 8, 9, and 10 year old boys sleeping in trash piles high on drugs. I pass teenage girls begging each passing car for money to feed the child they hold in their arms. I see adults stealing from children so they can survive. I see cuts and infections covered in flies and filled with puss. I see people wash their clothes and themselves in sewers filled with feces and every other form of trash. I see people rebuilding their cardboard house after a hard rain. I see people sleeping on the streets and the dogs licking their wounds. I see mothers so dehydrated they drink the tears of their crying baby. I live with a boy whose family told us they kicked him out and wished he would die. I see hurt, pain, shame, and loss. I see it all.
I have heard my share of stories from the street boys about losing HOPE. I have sat in the homes of villagers who have told me the same thing. People want to see some HOPE. They want to know there is a “way” out of their situation. They want to know that someone cares. They want HOPE. I have heard it said that when a person loses HOPE, they die. I don’t believe that is true, but I know it’s not far from it. I do know these people are dying inside.
However, as I prepare to leave this place for now, I don’t see much but the light shining brighter in the darkness. When you go spelunking people will tell you to get to a place where it is pitch black and turn off your headlamp so your eyes can adjust to the darkness. It is in the pitch black that our eyes are opened even wider, and when the light is turned on, it is so much brighter. My eyes are being opened to the HOPE that is in our God. I have seen that there is still HOPE for me. I have been rescued from walking down the path of lukewarm Christianity (that is an oxymoron by the way), and have been sent in the direction of the man God wants me to be. I have seen the HOPE my prayers produce and I see that not only is God winning the battle, but He has already won. All around me I see the light creeping in through the cracks. Won’t you look with me?
I have seen boys rescued from a life of hopelessness on the street to become secondary school graduates. I have seen street boys tell a room full of school kids that they were told they would never amount to anything, as they served as their counselors for the week. I have seen three 20 somethings give up their comfortable life in the US to pursue God’s kingdom around the world. I have seen a former street boy become an uncle in three different street ministries. I have seen people who don’t use a water line pay the bills for their neighbors who do because they know it will help them. I have seen a young Irish woman start a ministry in the slums and change the lives of the boys there. I have seen street boys attend church faithfully and put the money they get from collecting scrap into the offering plate. I have seen forgiveness in families where all there use to be was pain. I have seen an organization form to open doors for others. I have seen prayers answered for a drop in center in the worst slum in Uganda. I have seen teachers and counselors flock to work there too. I have seen boys hooked on drugs from their time on the street turn around and become volunteers in ministry at church. I have seen boys from the streets become the top students in their classes. I have seen orphans become doctors. I have seen two sixty somethings pay to volunteer 6 months of every year working in the villages. I have seen an uncle called out of discipling street kids to be a missionary where Christianity is illegal. I have seen former street boys proclaim that it would be an honor if they were a martyr for Christ. I have seen a homeless woman offered a job and walk away from her life on the streets. I have seen ministries spring up to help sex trafficked girls in the slums. I have seen headmasters reduce their fees so street children can get an education. I have seen a mother bring in 6 orphans only to sell all her land to try to pay for them to go to school. I have seen God provide sponsors for all 11 of her children to get educated. I have seen college students use their break from school to serve among the least and the lost. I have seen influential leaders pull strings to help others. I have seen new families form from necessity and stick closer than blood. I have seen different nationalities work together to bring clean water to thousands. I have seen a church start programs to help those without homes and food. I have seen young men move to Africa only to spend all their money on homes for others. I have seen people sleep on the streets just so they will know what their neighbors go through. I have seen demon possession conquered by the blood of Jesus. I have seen a boy with HIV shape the hearts of those who help him. I have seen a church stay in the slums and not build walls so the poor could use the building as a refuge. I have seen newlyweds spend their honeymoon working for others. I have seen schools built in communities that could not do it themselves. I have seen strangers pay for others to go to school. I have seen widows partnering together to provide income for each other to live. I have seen people healed overnight from death. I have seen water pour out of rocks and water a whole valley. I have seen tribes torn by war and death, celebrate new life. I have seen an intern turn their project into a passion. I hear praise songs to God play all night outside my window, tent, or wherever else I happen to be sleeping. I have seen an old man in poverty bring in orphans so they would at least have a family, and then I have watched as a bunch of street boys helped them both. I have seen hundreds hear the gospel from the mouths or kids beaten and abused. I have seen a marine heal the souls of the broken through a recovery program. I have seen Jesus RISE from the dead. I have seen His spirit glowing ever so bright.
I see God everywhere because he is our HOPE. I see Him working to save, redeem, heal, and restore this world, country, and city. He never left, but sometimes our eyes just aren’t ready to see the light. I know my vision has been adjusted. I know, “the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has shined.” That light is Jesus our HOPE. I will choose2B a bringer of HOPE to those in need. I will let my little light shine and I pray you will do the same.
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