Loss

Loss - That is the way most people would describe this week for me. Saturday, I got an email informing me of some information about the family I was helping in Kigarama. Unfortunately, it was not good information. It led me to have to make the decision to walk away from them. It felt horrible, as though I was having to leave 9 of my friends on their own. However, I place that situation with God and trust His providence.

Sunday afternoon I learned that my oldest nephew had passed away in a car crash Saturday night. I immediately tried to verify what I was reading. Sure enough it was true. My thoughts immediately turned to my family and their pain. I paced around the house trying to find a comfortable place to sit and pray. Although my heart was aching, all I could do was thank God. I had the opportunity to get to know Dylan in a new way over the last two years. We had had the opportunity to write each other several times while I had been here. I had the opportunity to watch him grow and discover who he was in Christ. He reminded me a lot of myself; the rap music, the sports, a ladies man, OK well that was only true for him. I remember when he was young and we were opening presents at Christmas, Dylan opened his traditional package of underwear and cried. I remember the baseball games. I remember games in the yard. I remember arguing over who was better at sports. I remember the moment last year when he told me he was happy I was going back to Africa and how proud he was of the work I was doing. I AM PROUD OF HIM TOO. I know I may have lost his physical presence in my life, but I will always be able to carry on his memories and his spirit.

There is nothing wrong with felling loss or pain. However, there is no reason to let it hold you back. Those chains are not meant to hold us. I think about the disciples who were sitting around after Jesus had risen. They were not headed out, but rather they were sitting in the room with the door locked. Jesus comes through the locked doors though. HE DOESN’T DESIRE US TO BE HELD IN. So I celebrate the life and memory of Dylan. I praise God for the redemption of his life. I PRAISE God for the time we had together. I promise to move forward. Jesus said his leaving would only strengthen the disciples. I pray my losses do the same for me. I pray for all of you who have lost someone close to you. I pray you will throw those chains off, even if it is slowly, and move forward. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know we weren’t meant to stay.