Who am I?

Many of you know that I an ego. I like to hear good things said about me and if others aren’t saying them then I will praise myself. Believe it or not it is something that I DON’T LIKE ABOUT MYSELF. I struggle like many of you with self doubt, and so the human part of me wants to hear things to build me up. The one thing that I do struggle with though, is when people actually do think something of me. I know it may sound weird that I want to hear people say great things about me, but I really don’t want them to think them. I feel embarrassed or sick if people think there is something special about me. I would rather people see God in me, and if they are actually seeing me, then I am not doing a good job of pointing them to Him.
So many people have tried to praise me for coming to Uganda. It makes me sick. Then, there is dealing with the praise you receive from the Ugandans. They just believe that because you are a white person (mazungu) you are special. Although, it is so cute to drive or walk down the street and hear all the kids yelling out mazungu. This Sunday we went to one of the high schools were some of the boys are in boarding school. They were having a celebration/talent show/pep rally. Of course they all got really excited when we arrived, sat us in the seats of honor, and thanked us many times for being there. Here is a whole school of kids who don’t know us and are happy to see us just because of the color of our skin. It is hard to try to teach them that each one of us has the same value. We are all loved so immensely by the same God.
One of my hopes and dreams for my time here is to be able to right the things I don’t like about myself. I PRAY God gives me new eyes to look at myself and see Him. To understand the lessons I want the people here to know. I want to believe and not doubt myself so that I don’t have to praise myself. It should all be headed His direction. Praise God, for he has done great things, and those great things are us, ALL OF US!